Ambivalent
by hiddenspikes
Summary: Ambivalent: Psychology. Of or relating to the coexistance within an individual to positive and negative feelings towards the same person, object or action, simultaneously drawing him in opposite directions.
1. Chapter 1

**Ambivalent** : **Psychology**. **Of or relating to the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.**

Chapter 1

She had brought another guy home, I could hear them through the thin walls of the apartment even though I didn't want too. Her moans of pleasure, his overly obnoxious begging. Swearing I let my head drop down onto the oak desk in front of me, my hands fumbling with the speakers next to my computer in hopes that turning up the music would help to drown out all of the other noise in the apartment- I had too much work to do and it was too damn cold to leave the house, not to mention too damn late at night. Sighing I glanced towards the alarm clock sitting on the corner of my night stand- 3 AM- definitely too late. Sitting up I shoved my reading glasses to the top of my head and tiredly rubbed at my ice blue eyes.

"Did I say you could do that?" Came the muffled but sharp command from my roommate in the next room over.

"I'm sorry Mistress." I snorted softly at the automatic response. Newbie. The sharp snap of a blunt object striking skin made me wince and want all in the same breath. My roommate's partner cried out. Poor thing was definitely new into the game and didn't quite understand the rules yet- or maybe it was just that I knew Mistress Katherine's rules all too well... Grumbling under my breath to myself I slipped my glasses onto the bridge of my nose so I could see as I dug around in my desk for my headphones- I was done I couldn't stand to listen to anymore of the sex games going on in the next room.

It wasn't that I was disgusted by what I was hearing, if anything it was quite the opposite-

I had first met Katherine Pierce during my junior year of college at Virginia Tech. She was the quiet student working in the library that had this gleam to her eyes that told you that there was so much more hiding behind her shy little smile. I knew that she was out of my league the first time that I saw her. While she was very prim and proper looking in all black cardigans and skirts, I was a nerd, scrawny, curly haired and blind without my reading glasses. When I first spoke to her though, my words stuttered, she only cocked her head to the side, her fingers reaching up to fiddle with a strand of pearls around her neck and the corner of her lips curling into a smile that promised all sorts of wicked things. Or at least I thought they did. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part.

She quickly helped me find the book that I was looking for, Gone with the Wind, a pleasure read, and even sat there for a good while talking to me about the book. After that first time talking to her I made it a point that whenever I was in the student library I would stop and spend time with her. Two years later we both graduated and Katherine became my roommate. It was only then that I realized just how much that coy smile of hers actually hid-

Katherine had a side that nobody really knew about, a side that I wanted, but knew I couldn't have. The first time that she had taken me to Allurement I wasn't sure what I was getting myself in to. We had only been living together for a few weeks and while Katherine was my best friend there were still things that I didn't know about her. She turned her head to smile at me as we walked up the sidewalk towards a dark foreboding building. There weren't any signs or really any indication that the building was occupied but Katherine had assured me that we were in the right place. I hadn't really seen her dress the way that she was in all the years that I had known her, not that I really could see the clothing due to the floor length black trench that she was wearing- but the black leather boots that I could see as she walked were new and seeing the shiny material against her pale creamy skin was doing things to me that I didn't really understand.

"Are you sure we're in the right place." I questioned for what felt like the fiftieth time. Katherine rolled her coal lined eyes but nodded, twirling a strand of her blond curls around her finger.

"For the last time Damon, you're gonna just have to learn to trust me." She flashed me a smiled that was all teeth before turning sharply on her heel and knocking on a black door. Looked like we were where we were going. There was a few moments of silence before the heavy door swung open to let a red light shine through the doorway, only then could I see written on the door in silver script the words Allurement.

"Pet, nice as always to see you." The doorman greeted in an overly friendly tone, leaning forward to press a kiss to the corner of Katherine's lips.

"Pet?" I mouthed looking over my best friend wondering not for the first time what I was getting myself in to.

"Always happy to come back Klaus," Katherine practically purred her hands moving over the front of her jacket unsnapping the buttons, "Is my usual open?" The doorman nodded his head before jerking it back towards a nondescript hallway lined with red lights.

"Of course." His eyes finally seemed to land on me because he gave me a look of surprise, "Don't break him too quickly, yeah?" Break him? I had no idea what he was talking about but nobody was breaking anybody. Katherine didn't say anything but laughed softly instead and turned to face me, my eyes widening as I finally saw what was under the coat. The black boots that she was wearing came all the way up to mid-thigh before joining with a pair of shiny black garters that looked tight enough to cause pain. Tiny black latex shorts, a corset laced so tight her breast nearly touched her chin and her familiar strand of pearls completed the outfit. Her red coated lips curved up into a devilish looking smile as she shrugged off the jacket, holding it out one handed to the doorman. Wrapped around her arms were a set of leather fingerless gloves with a solitary loop that curled around her ring finger on each hand. She crooked her finger at me, beckoning me forward and in that moment I wasn't sure that I wanted to follow her or run. I had never been as scared of what could happen or as turned on in my life. When I didn't immediately step forward Katherine closed the distance between the two of us, her fingers curling under the braided rope necklace that I always wore. Sharply she yanked me down until she could look me in the eye, her head cocked slightly to the side.

"In here Damon," She purred, pausing a moment to slide a wet tongue from my jaw to my cheek until she could whisper in my ear, "I am **_queen_** and when I tell you to do something." She paused twisting her fingers in my necklace until it felt like my air would cut off, "you _**obey**_." With the final word she bit down sharply on my ear lobe, drawing a startled gasp from my mouth, my hips jerking forward unconsciously, cock hardening, stomach clenching. At that moment, with my skin between her teeth and her fingers against my neck I would have done anything that she asked of me, would have willingly dropped to my knees and licked her boots if she so much had had the thought. I was fucked. Instead she drew away, leaving me completely wanting, her nails scratching almost gently against my skin when she released my throat.

That night was the first that I got to experience the Rose room. With a name like the rose room I expected it to be something cheerful, maybe bright in color and welcoming- the reality was completely different. The walls were blood red in color, the furniture black leather except for the few medieval torture looking devices that were cherry wood. Gulping, my initial instinct was to run, to get as far away from the room as I possibly could, but then the door was closing behind Katherine and a lock with sliding into place with a sharp click. I turned to face her, my eyes going wide as I took in the riding crop in her hands. Briefly I wondered where she had gotten it from but then reflex kicked in and I wondered how the hell I was going to get past her. She smiled, cocking her head to the side as she reverently stroked along the shaft of the crop, the image that she presented causing a torrid of emotions in me- confusion, fear but most prominently of all: arousal.

"Oh darling," She crooned, her tongue poking out to slide across those cherry red lips, "you have no idea how long I've waited to get you in here." I wasn't exactly sure where here was but it was something that I wasn't expecting that much I knew. She stepped towards me then, her free hand reaching up to trail from my bottom lip down over my chin until she could finger the top button of my shirt. "I wanna play with you." She whispered, her fingers softly snapping until the button came loose of its hole, "but I need you to say yes first." My eyes fell shut and I swallowed, a shiver working its way down my spine when she leaned forward, her lips ghosting over the skin that was exposed with each button undone. "Say yes for me Damon." It came out as a plea and despite not really knowing what we were doing there I nodded my head and whispered back the words that would become my downfall.

"Yes."

A sharp cry drew me out of my musing, my hand halfway towards the speaker jack. Since that first night whenever the mood hit her Katherine was over me, her hands doing things to my body and to my mind that I had never been able to experience elsewhere. I wanted, no needed, more from her, more than she was willing to give. I knew that I was a passing fling, someone that she could turn to when things became stale or she didn't have a new playmate for a while. The only issue was, she had introduced me to a world that I had never known before, one that I found that I liked, and I wanted more. I was addicted to the sharp sting of the whip, the feeling of burning so painful across my skin that it could only be described as pure pleasure. Another scream tore from the room next to mine and in that moment all I felt was envy, I wanted to be in her partner's shoes, I wanted to be the one under Katherine's control. I knew though, that until she got bored I wouldn't be, and because of that I went searching… and that was how I found Elena Gilbert.


	2. Chapter 2

_**The imagination is the spur of delights... all depends upon it, it is the mainspring of everything; now, is it not by means of the imagination one knows joy? Is it not of the imagination that the sharpest pleasures arise?**_

 _ **-Marquis de Sade**_ _ **  
**_

 **Chapter 2**

The lobby wasn't busy- thank god- as I approached the front desk of Allurement. Caroline Mikaleson, the cute little sub that ran the desk smiled as she saw me approach, her head cocked to the side and all of her bouncy yellow curls falling in her face. Over the weeks of coming to allurement without Katherine I had come to know Caroline rather well. Her husband and Master- Klaus- owned allurement, owned the place that I wanted to curl up in and call my home- which meant that Caroline practically lived in the building. I envied her for that.

"Welcome back Damon!" She greeted cheerfully, bouncing on her tiptoes. I smiled and leaned against the front edge of the desk where the ledger waited, hoping against anything that one of the Dom's would be open for the night, and more importantly would be willing to take on a would be-still learning- still training sub.

"Anything open?" I questioned hopefully, praying that it didn't come off too desperate- who was I kidding, I was desperate. Katherine had opened the door to me, had taught me things about myself that I never would have imagined in my wildest dreams- and then she left me, moved on to her next flavor of the month her next play thing. Caroline hummed softly as she looked through the book in front of her before she beamed at me, cocking her head to the side.

"Elena is open." I had never heard of Elena before, didn't care that I had never heard of her before all I knew was that she had the ability to give my addiction its fix.

"Sign me up." Caroline nodded and wrote my name down into the available spot before nodding towards the small hallway off to the side, "She is in Orchid- go down the hall, turn right at the very end and its going to be the second door on the left." She smiled a little brighter, "She should be in in a few minutes so go ahead and go get yourself settled." I nodded and started down the hallway. The first time that Katherine had brought me in to Allurement she had taken me in through the backdoors, completely bypassing the front desk in favor of having Klaus let her in. The hallways were all narrow, dark with the bare minimum lighting along the floors to let you see where you were walking. It wasn't hard to find the Orchid room, the silver lettering next to the door glittering in the faint light. Pushing open the door I slipped into the room and paused. Unlike the Rose room, Orchid didn't have any of the medieval looking devices, instead the walls were draped in silks and piles pillows littered the floor. The lights weren't harsh, instead cones attached to the walls provided a soft light that cast a warm glow along the walls. In the corner was a table, various jewel toned bottles cluttering the surface. I felt out of place in the room designed completely for comfort. Hesitantly I approached one of the pillow piles, sinking down into the fluffy material.  
It couldn't have been more than five minutes later, but it felt like an eternity before the door opened and in walked one of the most beautiful women that I had ever seen. Her chocolate colored hair fell down to her waist in loose curls, her skin a pale olive color. She didn't look like any other dominant that I had seen- gone was the leather, PVC and tight corsets and in its place were linen pants, soft slippers and a fitted blouse. She reminded me of something out of a Harem. She smiled at me, her head cocked to the side.

"Are you Damon?" I found that I could only nod, my voice had disappeared on me.

"I'm Elena." She was graceful as she walked over to the pile that I was leaning on, the loose material of her pants swirling around her legs as she walked. She didn't hesitate as she dropped to her knees in front of me, her head cocked to the side, "Caroline says that you are fairly new and still learning is the correct?" I swallowed and nodded before remembering Katherine's rule. _Speak when spoken to and remember how to address your betters._

"Yes Mistress."

Elena giggled softly, shaking her head, her legs curling under herself as she settled down onto her ass, that beautiful smile of hers growing.

"Elena will do fine for now." I found myself nodding, feeling confused at the responses that I was getting. From the moment that I had stepped into the Rose room, Katherine had been in command- when she said jump I asked my Mistress how high, I was there for her pleasure and for her pain as she willed it. To have a Dominant treat me any differently sent my mind spiraling. "To begin with," She paused and licked her lips, searching for the words as her eyes trailed over me, "what are your previous experiences, what have you," She paused again trailing her own fingers down the length of her neck. "What have you done?" I was sure if it wasn't for the dim lighting in the room she would have been able to see the flush that stained my skin.

"Mistress Katherine-"I hadn't been able to say much more on the matter when Elena growled, her lips thinning into a line and her head shaking.

"Say no more." She swore, swiftly rising to her feet, "That bitch wouldn't know how to train someone new to the lifestyle if it hit her upside the head." She paced for a moment in front of me, muttering softly under her breath with each step that she took before finally she turned to look at me, the smile back in place on her lips, "Forgive me," She murmured and then laughed softly, "Stand up please Damon we are going to have your first session now." I nodded and swallowed, climbing to my feet- here we go. I braced myself, eyes fluttering shut, the moment that I was completely standing- ready to feel the sharp sting of pain…

But it never came, instead I felt small hands trailing up over the front of my shirt, slowly plucking at the buttons until the material could be pulled apart. My eyes flew open as I swallowed, unsure of what to do.

"You've learned pain Damon- there is nothing wrong with that," She smiled at me as she pushed the fabric from my shoulders, drawing the sleeves down my arms until I stood before her in nothing but my black jeans, "But there is so much more to be said for the other side of the spectrum." She hummed softly, her nails scraping gently along the panes of my chest. She paused a moment at my pecs, thumbing firmly at my nipples before continuing forward, her eyes never leaving mine. I licked my lips when she swirled her finger in my belly button, my stomach clenching. Stepping back she let out a slow breath, "Strip for me and then I want you back on the pillows." I nodded and scrambled to comply, my hands shaking slightly as I undid the buckle on my belt, my shoes kicked off towards the corner of the room. She giggled and turned towards one of the far walls, coming back a few minutes later with silken ties, a blind fold and strangely enough a feather. "So eager… I like it." I spread myself out on one of the pillows, feeling unsure about my nudity for the first time. I wanted to question her but I didn't dare. Seeing the look in my eyes though she gave me a reassuring smile. "I'm going to bind you Damon, and then I am going to blindfold you. Is that okay?" I swallowed but nodded. I has just assumed she was going to do whatever to me that she felt like, that I wouldn't have a say in it at all- that's the way things had been with Katherine. "What's your safe word?"

"Safe word?" I questioned and Elena swore again.

"A safe word is a word that is used if things get to be too much. Should you feel the need to use this work everything will stop, no questions no hesitancy." Katherine had never given me anything like that.

"Stop?" I questioned. Elena gave me another little giggle and knelt about me, her hands tracing over the smooth skin of my underarm, tugging gently at the hair that she found there.

"Stop doesn't work, most submissive will find themselves crying out for their dominant to stop when they really don't want anything to end, it becomes reflex if you will." She cocked her head to the side and drew one of my arms above my head, knocking away a pillow to reveal a metal loop welded to the floor, "The club's standard safe words are red and yellow, we will use those for now." I nodded as she swiftly tied one of the silk ties to the loop, her lip between her teeth in concentration.

"What's yellow for?" I questioned as she drew my other arm up above my head, her fingers following the same path as before. She hummed softly, her clothed breasts nearly falling in my face as she bound my other wrist.

"Yellow means slow down, it means that you need a moment and I will back off." She licked her lips as she sat back and admired her work, "The thing that Katherine will never teach you Damon is that our lifestyle, the BDSM lifestyle begins and ends with trust" She smiled, her head cocked to the side as she traced her fingers slowly along the panes of my chest again, "for instance, a sub trusts that their dominant will take care of them, will know what is best for them even if the sub doesn't agree with it at the time. And the dominant, well we trust our sub to speak up if things go beyond what they can handle, it's very much a give and take relationship." I swallowed, the words not coming but nodded. She let out a slow breath and reached for the blindfold, stretching the material over my head until I was plunged into darkness. Flexing my fingers I thought about how I was feeling, how with my sight taken away I could feel every subtle movement of the woman above me. "Breath Damon," She cooed. It was startling to find that I wasn't breathing like I had thought I was, my breath held as I waited for her to make her next move, "Relax, just concentrate on feeling and breathing steadily for me." Her voice was calming, the feeling of her hands settling back down onto my lower stomach drawing my attention. Her touch was a light caress as she drew it along my skin, the feeling a strange mixture between tickling and pleasure.

I melted back into the pillows at that point, the breath whooshing out of me and Elena giving a soft laugh of her own. The room was silent except for my deep breathing and her gentle puffs. Soon enough the feeling of her fingers on my skin disappeared to be replaced by a foreign sensation that I distantly realized was the feather. The pressure of her sitting on my chest moved as the feather traced its way up along my calves, the touch setting nerves on flame that I hadn't known I had in my legs. She hummed softly to herself as she worked, the noise and the touch lulling me until I wasn't sure how much time had passed only that if felt like I would do anything that the woman asked of me.

I jumped slightly startled when I felt her lips drawing gently up the skin of my thighs, her silky hair tickling the skin. I wanted to slide my fingers into her hair, to direct her to where I needed her the most, but the restrictive ties around my wrists kept me from moving, instead all I could do was arch into the touch and pray that she understood my needs. I wanted to swear when her mouth pulled away from me completely, her fingers gently pulling the blindfold off of my eyes.

"I want you to think Damon, between now and the next time you see me, about what you truly want." Her hands reached down to curl around my hardened cock, squeezing gently but not stroking. "I could very easily get you off, here, now with no issue," She frowned a moment her hand sliding up to tumb at my head, "But it would be temporary relief, you would be wanting again in a matter of minutes." She smiled, releasing my cock and reaching above me to untie my hands, "Or we teach you how to urn first, how to want, how to desire…how to undo the damage that Katherine did." She pulled back to drop the ties to the floor next to her, drawing my hands onto her lap so she could slowly rub at my wrists. "The choice is up to you." And then she was standing up, making her way towards the door. "Caroline has my schedule if you want to book another appointment where we can explore things a little further." I felt like my body was jelly, not wanting to move under my own control while Elena slipped out the door to the Orchid room, pulling it shut behind her. Swallowing I closed my eyes as I debated my options, my cock pulsing slowly in a reminder of what I wanted. Finally after what felt like forever I sat up and reached for my head, dragging them to me long enough to fish out my cell phone. My mouth dropped open in shock when I realized that I had been in the room with Elena for over two hours. Skimming over the messages it wasn't overly surprising to find that Katherine hadn't bothered to find out where I had disappeared for the night and it was with that in mind that I scheduled my next appointment with Elene- the fantasies of what she would do to me satisfying me in ways that Katherine hadn't been able too.

 **A/n- Good evening all! Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed, favorited and followed they mean the world to me. No I don't plan on Damon being a whipping boy for anyone that is worried about that. This story is one of my babies and has been for a while. As someone who actively lives in the lifestyle there has been a lot of misconception, be it in books or in media on what BDSM is. No it isn't just someone taking up a flogger or a cane and beating the shit out of someone else- there are so many different layers that it isn't even funny. I started this story as a means of showing what is proper and what is mainstream media bullshit. Hopefully ya'll enjoy it as we run down this path. As always if there are any questions, comments or concerns please feel free to contact me and until next time, happy reading.**


	3. Authors note

A/n- I will not be updating on any stories until Saturday 11/5 due to being out of the country for work. All three stories should be updated on Saturday by midnight. If there are any questions comments or concerns please feel free to reach out to me.

Thank you


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